DO NOT PEE ON THIS PILLOW

Who would pee on a pillow? The cat, the dog, and a few reckless humans, of course. Unfortunately, pets can’t read…yet. Until they can, ensure the humans in your life know the rules. It is dangerous to assume they know what you expect from them. So, make it abundantly clear with this message. Keep your pillows safe from uncultivated people, carefree carousers, and those who do not know where to go.

WARNING: This pillow will take over a month to arrive at your selected destination. We don’t fully understand why. We think it is because it sleeps on the job. That is what pillows do, right? They are slow-moving and enjoy the couch potato lifestyle. By the time it is dressed, packed up, and ready to leave the house, it wants a nap again. Order this only if you have enough patience for this pillow to sleep-walk its way over to you.

• 100% pre-shrunk polyester case
• Fabric with a linen feel. Oooh, linen feel!
• Hidden zipper. So sneaky!
• Machine-washable case. You can take it down to the river and beat it against a rock once or twice, too. Note: River and rock washing are only recommended during the apocalypse, in which case you have more to worry about than someone peeing on your pillow. It is noble that you would keep up with this kind of housework during such tumultuous times, and we are impressed by your fastidiousness.
• Shape-retaining 100% polyester pillow insert included (handwash only – but probably not in a river.) Why can’t humans retain their shape?

Note: This polyester is not organic.

Details: Solid black background with “DO NOT PEE” from The Very Interesting Game Show™ logo in a repeating pattern on the front. The logo contains a person standing up to urinate. This pillow is perfect for adding a splash of color and a few laughs to your living space. (Colors: black, white, red, and purple.) The Very Interesting Game Show™ text is in purple. The back is solid black because we discovered when the pattern is cut off and stitched at the seams, the resulting images create an adult theme we did not intend. This duality in decorative options affords you some flexibility in showcasing this message to the appropriate audience. You can tone it down when stuffy relatives visit and flip it for friends at your next party. It’s a basic black pillow one day and a laugh-as-you-lounge accessory the next!